It wasn’t a Big Deal.
You didn’t even touch me.
You didn’t even make me do anything.
You thought it was funny.
But I didn’t understand.
You were a giant
and I was tiny.
Five.
In my blue dress with the smocking.
And I didn’t know what was happening.
I was terrified and repulsed.
I screamed and ran
to the other Bigger Person
who cleaned me up
and yelled at you
And I never told.
I was no tattle tale.
Snitches get stitches wasn’t yet a thing
But it was.
You thought it did no harm
But it did.
You unwittingly stole my innocence.
I’d always been afraid of Bigger People
But now I was even more afraid of them
Especially men.
And so I thought always
That this was the way boys were supposed to treat girls
And Bigger People were supposed to treat Littler People.
Like punching bags
Or playthings.
Mom always told me to grow Thicker Skin
But I didn’t know what that meant
And she never told me how.
I filed it away in the Department of Things That Hurt
With all the other things.
The years passed
You went away
And I became a Bigger Person.
But I still thought that
that was the way boys were supposed to treat girls.
So they did.
And then I had new Things to file away.
And I never told
Because I was no tattle tale.
And who would have believed me, anyway?
Until I met him
who found a little lost girl
who just wanted to be loved.
And he did not treat girls the way I thought they were supposed to.
And he didn’t have Thicker Skin, either.
Every once in awhile I open the file
and try to destroy
the Department of Things That Hurt
But I can’t.
Because they are part of me now.
And I still never told
Until now.
Inner Voice 